The NHL will be present in Utah starting next season. But the Salt Lake City-based team still needs a name.
We’ve seen a plethora of possibilities across the Internet since the Arizona Coyotes were officially sold to Qualtrics owner Ryan Smith and his wife, Ashley, last week. Many come from recent brands apps to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office by Uyte LLC, based in Delaware.
1. Utah mammoth(s)
2. Utah Yetis
3. Utah Blizzard
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4. Utah HC
5. Utah Venom
6. Utah Outlaws
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7. Utah Ice Cream
8. Utah Fury-Scott Wheeler (@scottcwheeler) April 24, 2024
Just pick any damn animal that lives in/near mountains and call it damn.
– Slick Dueceman, attorney (@slickdueces) April 24, 2024
As opinions on the options pile up, we decided to do a ranking, putting Julian McKenzie and Sean McIndoe in charge of determining which name best suits Utah’s new team. They both ranked each team’s name on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 is best, 1 is worst) and what you see below is based on our judges’ combined score.
1. Utah Yetis
McIndoe: 8
McKenzie: 6
McIndoe: I like this. I’ve seen a few people say it should be “Yeti”, but we already have a recent team that went with a singular version of a mythological creature. Yetis is one of those names that someone somewhere should have used by now, and it works pretty well with Utah. On a weak list, this is my favorite of the bunch. (That said, I know I’m not the only one who hasn’t been able to stop saying “Yeh-TAY” since The incident.)
McKenzie: I think the name is average, but many people like it. I just think there are better names. But Sean is right, “Yetis” works as a Utah-like name. And if the logos and colors work, I could totally be swayed. I also wouldn’t mind if it was just “Yeti”. This could have been the start of a great singular name rivalry between them and the Seattle Kraken. Or the Colorado Avalanche!
2. Utah Mammoth
McIndoe: 5
McKenzie: 7.5
McKenzie: Mammoth is one of my favorites. It’s much more fierce and imposing than the Yeti. Additionally, “Mammoth” also works perfectly as a singular noun.
McIndoe: This is the one where the singular version hurts. If it was just “Mammoths,” I would have given it at least one extra point. “Mammoth” is an adjective, so you call your team the group of really big guys from Utah. What will this do to Logan Cooley? Small, that’s how it is. That said, when it comes to choosing an intimidating creature to name your team after, the woolly mammoth fits the bill. Not great, but given the other options, we can’t let perfect be the enemy of barely adequate.
3. Utah Outlaws
McIndoe: 7
McKenzie: 5
McIndoe: When I was very little, my parents took me to a Wild West theme park, where a carriage ride was interrupted by a bandit who jumped out of the bushes and threatened to rob us. All the adults told me to “shoot” the bad guy with a gun. When I did, he collapsed very dramatically and everyone told me I had saved the day. Then I spent the next two years or so of my young life convinced that I could shoot people with my hand and terrified of what I would do with these new powers.
Where was I? Oh that’s right. Outlaws is a decent name, we could live with that.
McKenzie: I agree with the Outlaws. But only if the logo features Sean flashing a big smile with a finger gun. Because if Sean McIndoe doesn’t trust he’s going to shoot you.
4. Utah HC/Hockey Club
McIndoe: 3
McKenzie: 8
McIndoe: No.
Look, I get it, and it works well for football. It’s not football. You have a hockey team, give it a hockey name. Follow our traditions, beginner. Name your team after something big, scary, and powerful and/or some kind of leaf.
McKenzie: Yes.
UHC or Utah Hockey Club is more than good. If the Professional Women’s Hockey League can show us that we don’t need team names for people to support teams – and believe me, I was on the opposite side of that argument – why doesn’t this Couldn’t it work for UHC? And the fact that it’s inspired by soccer, a sport that surpasses almost every other sport on the planet in popularity, is pretty awesome. Long live the CSU.
5. Utah Blizzard
McIndoe: 4
McKenzie: 7
McIndoe: I understand this kind of plays into the Avalanche, which isn’t the worst way to signal the start of a near-rivalry. It also looks like a frozen treat, which isn’t very intimidating but would probably help your corporate sponsorship team get off to a good start. My main problem here is that I almost certainly remembered “Blizzard” being the name of Toronto’s professional football team when I was a kid. So I looked it up, and seeing how long ago it had been made me feel extraordinarily old. Co-writing this article with a guy born in 2010 or something doesn’t help.
McKenzie: “It’s Wednesday Night Hockey on ESPN live from the Dairy Queen Delta Center with the Colorado Avalanche and Utah Blizzard! I’m Bob Wischusen alongside Ryan Callahan! We’re expecting a frosty evening between these two rivals!
Call the CEO of Dairy Queen.
6. Utah Venom
McIndoe: 7
McKenzie: 3
McKenzie: Venom? Like the anti-hero of the Spider-Man universe? I don’t hate this name. It just doesn’t scream “Utah” to me.
McIndoe: I’ll start by saying that I know this is some kind of comic book. But I have no idea what, so I’m not letting that influence my judgment either way. I’ll just say that while I’m not a huge fan of singular names for professional sports teams, I’m not completely against the idea. Smith really seems to be stacking the cards to get one particular name. If so, this one is fine. It’s reasonably unique, dangerous without being ridiculous, and would probably seem cool to little kids. Is it better than “Scorpions,” which would be my choice if I did that? No, but no one asked me.
7. Utah Fury
McIndoe: 2
McKenzie: 2
McIndoe: Worst case scenario, everyone pretends it says “Furry” and makes the same uncomfortable jokes for years. Best case scenario is… what, you’re talking about a general feeling of palpable anger? It just doesn’t work. It makes what should be a cool hockey team sound like the younger brother of Tyson Fury’s accountant.
McKenzie: Fury doesn’t do it for me either. It wouldn’t even be enough if I built a team from scratch on the latest EA Sports NHL video game. What would even be the logo? Just the face of someone who looks angry? And yes, Sean is right, no thanks for the “fury/furry” jokes.
8. Utah Ice Cream
McIndoe: 2
McKenzie: 1
McIndoe: Absolutely not. It’s so bad that I guess it’s only included because Smith has a name he wants to see win, and he’s going to make sure he matches Ice in his category. Yes, hockey has ice, good for you for understanding that. But we don’t name professional sports teams after the playing surface. I’m generally not a big fan of two-word names, but if you insist on incorporating the word “ice” into this one, use it at least as a modifier of a real name. Have you thought about the Ice Scorpions?
McKenzie: Hell no to that name. I don’t even think it would be cool to say “Let’s go play on the ice” as a way of belittling them. Can Ryan Smith buy the Grizzlies nickname of the ECHL franchise? This is my real #1 choice.
(Top photo by Connor Ingram and Clayton Keller: Norm Hall/NHLI via Getty Images)